can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
