God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Green mimosas i think yes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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