there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
