you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
