I hope mine doesn't look like that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
