I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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