Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
