I wish you could order shots online.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
