yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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