butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
