i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
