So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
