God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
