I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
