I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
