mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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