so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
