I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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