Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize