Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she peed on how many people?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
