I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize