If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
