She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
