my sisters under your porch take her home
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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