just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
accomplished twins. life is a go
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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