i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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