i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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