Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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