I think I am morally bankrupt
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
