The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
