I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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