My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's always time for handjobs
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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