I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize