I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
