who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize