dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
