I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
