i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
