so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize