is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
