I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize