A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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