he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
