I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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