I think my fart just growled at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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