Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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