what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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