i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
