I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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