i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
