you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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