Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
