i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
